Pictures Guaranteed to make you smile =)

Well i finally have time for myself this week because the past 2 weeks have been hectic for me. And so far, this week has been awesome. I got so much 'quiet time' and more time to think and reflect on stuff.. which was pretty cool. I'm loving every moment of life right now.

Anyways, i remembered last year when i was so self-consicious about myself.. and i don't know whether i was conscious about the way i look or the way i walk but it always felt as though people are watching me and looking at me weirdly. And i don't know why. I couldn't figure it out. So i used to feel terribly uncomfortable when i have to walk across the canteen in school when it's full of people for example.. i would usually walk along the sides. Another one is that i don't like walking across the parade square because its surrounded by corridoors and people can see me walk and probably laugh at my huge butt or something. Well i don't know why i had these crazy thoughts before but i did.

Well i was also self consicious about other more ordinary stuff like not being thin enough. I'm rather large (to put it nicely) for an Asian girls because most asian girls or girls in Singapore for the matter are rather skinny. They're weight averages from about 45-49 kilos.. Maybe lower.. and that's so crazy... Jie Qi and i were just talking about it today.. like how girls back home are skinny but not toned, not fit and all that. So back then, like in secondary school. I guess i was one of the bigger girls in class and yes... i did thought i was.. well.. fat. I couldn't help to think that way right, especially when i'm surrounded by skinny girls. And yes, self-consiciousness began to take over.

Also in secondary 3, i did terribly for the mid semester exam. I failed Additional math, biology and physics. I barely passed the rest.. you could imagine... my parents, being the 'traditional Singaporean' parents that they are - they flipped out, well on the inside. (mom's malaysian by the way, dad's a singaporean) I think they almost lost it but they manage to hold most of it in. And yeah, i'm really thankful for what they said. They said that i'm mature enough to handle these situations and that my education is all up to me. They just provided me with the education. How i want my education to go about was all up to me.

So anyway, after that, i became really self-consicious.. because.. let's see here. I sucked at my studies, and coming from a family where every single person is intelligent just won't do.  I barely practiced my piano and i began to suck at it too.. i had problems fitting in with most of the people in my class... and i'm fat(an exaggeration..) and not pretty enough. But yeah.. so as you can see.. it led to self-esteem issues.

Fortunately, i became less self-conscious when things took a slightly better turn last year. However, i was pretty self-conscious still. Until i attended this service in a church when i was back in Singapore this June. Haha, well i can't wait to share this really.. been wanting to do so but i didn't find the right moment nor the time to do so. Lol, it's so exciting. Yay! =)

So basically the sermon was about 'losing consciousness'. And in this case, it's referred to self-consiciousness. It was a life changing experience i guess.. although my life didn't change in a snap but it did gradually.

Anyways,

We lose control over our lives and let the opinions of others control us by being self-conscious and this makes us lose our gifts and potentials. Self-consiciousness is not something we are borned with, it's something that we have learnt..
 
It's probably why we see kids with no worries, playing with friends they just met 5 minutes ago, waving to random people on the streets. And they didn't care if people thought they were crazy. Well if an adult was to do that, he'll probably be thought of as a psychopath... Because kids are innocent and sin has not touched them. People see kids differently as well.

It's true ay.. the opinions of other people are really powerful and so influential. And yeah sometimes we can be like 'Hey, i don't give a crap about what he thinks.' on the outside but in our hearts, the person's opinions have already affected us. Gahh.. and it's so annoying! It happened to me countless times and i still can't block them off. I'm trying though but it's gonna take a while.

So anyways, just some quotes. The pastor's Bray Sibley by the way.

"God has called us to rise above self-consicousness. Jesus died on the cross so that we can inherit freedom from our emotions." 
"Step out of the world of criticization and self-consciousness. Because of the cross, we can step out of this world and into a world of freedom and victory."
"The only opinion of you that matters is God's, and He loves you."  That's just so awesome =)

Well i don't know about you guys.. but you have to be there. The message was so powerful. I can only give a brief outline of it. It was so awesome. But seriously, it was life changing and i think it relates a lot to young people our age because we always have problems and worries about not fitting in, not looking good, not being smart enough or talented enough. Well, basically, not being good enough. And sometimes when someone criticizes or make an opinion of us.. it affects our self-esteem or in worse cases it can even destroy it.

Wouldn't it be so amazingly wonderfully awesomely cool if we didn't care what anyone thought of us? =)

thanks for making that point Cyrus.. it's so much more meaningful when your posts might help others. =)

 

Your view on yourself:

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

The seriousness of your love:

Your views on education

The right job for you:

How do you view success:

What are you most afraid of:

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.


And lifegroup!


Kim and Suyi


Tessy!

Jimmy and Dennis


Ken

Dates dates dates:

2 weeks till UMAT results are released
2 weeks till the 1 week recess
2 weeks till it's time to start studying for EOY's
4 weeks till college application results are out
4 weeks till foundation dance party
7 weeks till EOY's
7 weeks till Jimmy flies home
9 weeks till i'm officially done with foundation year
9 weeks till I fly home
3 months till Jimmy comes to Singapore to visit
3 and a half months till Christmas and holiday in... ... Taiwan... ...
5 months till i'm back in Dunedin

Geez... the next coming weeks are going to pretty sucky... Well months probably..
And you know what? I'm so not looking forward to the holidays...
And yes, y'all suck. =P

Well this weekend was awesome. Was less stressful.. Maybe because my seminar was over. Played tennis with Jimmy on friday evening.. then borrowed Schinndler's List and watched it at night. Woke up late the next day and it was basically practice and church from late afternoon till night. Worship was great that night. Really enjoyed it. =)

This weekend's gonna be awesome-er. Cats on friday night, Singapore club's mid-autumn festival celebration on saturday and church of course. Well.. i don't know why but i'm always looking forward to service every saturday.

So anway, i just realized that i'll be going back to singapore in about 2 months time. That's really quick.. hmm... 3 months of holidays.. what am i gonna to do. Gotta plan properly this time.. Remembered when i got bored in singapore in less than 2 weeks and i couldn't wait to come back here. But anyhow, it's going to be good going back. And yes, i found another friend who'll be on the same flight with me.. Andrew! Guess i won't be travelling home alone again. =)

Studying for bio test tomorrow. Must ace it. Get my kiasu-ism back.. i sorta lost it during 2nd semester... But no worries, gonna get it back slowly.

P.S. I hate the feeling of jealousy =P

This blog, a friend let me read it.  What can i say, i really like the writing... it's really good, meaningful. Makes you think about the most ordinary things that we tend to neglect in life and also things that never really come across our heads.. but the writer, nothing to say about him..

The Power of Love

"This power may have worked its wonders through many of us; however we fail to see its magic. We fail to understand that this power is not to be taken for granted. Divorce rates are rising, premarital sex is considered acceptable, relationships are just a staple part of a teenager’s life without the passion and the feelings involved. Has love really left us? Have we really lost the power to truly love another?
We walk along the streets seeing couples holding hands, sharing passionate kisses on buses, making out in cars. How many of them know what true love is? My guess is few. How many of them will one day realize what true love is? “Two six year old kids can share as much love for 5 minutes as two forty year olds can experience in a life time,” My guess? Not many. Career, money, friends, hectic lifestyles, materialism, consumerism has taken over as driving forces in our lives. Love has been pushed into the background and left alone. The ending “Happily ever after,” now has several suffixes such as: “They lived happily ever after, until he ran out of money,”, “They lived happily ever after, until he found a mistress,” Where people once lived for love, they now do so for material objects, the newest iPod, the biggest car, the biggest house, the biggest prostrate."

http://hubristic-hedonist.blogspot.com/
It's taken from this blog... this is just one of the few entries that it has... 
so might wanna go check it out. Man i wish i could write like that.

So it's about 2am in the morning and i can't get to sleep.. well my body clock's jacked up again. I slept at 3am last night and  woke up at about 12 today... then slept for about 3 hours in the afternoon. Now i'm wide awake.. Oh well. Tomorrow, school starts at 8:30 in the morning... so i have to be up at about 7. But don't care lah.. will just reach there later...

Put more stuff up on the wall of my room..


Chicken rice =)



 
My dearest daddy